i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
