i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
