i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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