my phone needs a breathalizer
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
