I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
