Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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