my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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