I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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