My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dignity is for republicans.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
