And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
