oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
