In the future we'll all be gay
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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