Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
