This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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