even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
