1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
