I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
