You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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