hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
