why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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