I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
