Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
