We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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