yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
