I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
