My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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