I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
