I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
