It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
