dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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