hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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