What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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