just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
