i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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