I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
