I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
