Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
