Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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