I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
