Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
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We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
this hospital has no fireball
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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