I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
