I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
True college students do jello shots in the library
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
