Porn is love you can see.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
