I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
