I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
