Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
