I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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