i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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