we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
