Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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