is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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