Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
