sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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