Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
