My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
