i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
