Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize