One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
