He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
