btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
