she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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