I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
