i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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