I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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