I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
