Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
