I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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