Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
