I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
