I just saw a hot homeless man
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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